Written several weeks ago: I was thinking today about my lack of ambition; my vacuous eonic state of passive winter blasé and I’ve decided perhaps that I should try to wean myself back off the pain killers I started in October. {Either that or I’m missing the sun.)
So.
I have not taken my afternoon meds. (I also missed them Friday and saw people’s faces blur and strangely twist—and that was BEFORE we went down to the bar.) So, bent over scavenging through the fridge today with my oversized ass in the air (thanks, pills, for my medicated addiction to anything sugar & the 10 extra pounds), I finally found some brew I had purchased in early fall when I was methodically taste-testing the entire beer section of the liquor store. (IN LEIU OF PAIN KILLERS, I might add.) Anyway, I found “Alley Cat” and popped one open. Ugg. Disgusting. Tasted just like alley cat. Rank. Even with tomato juice added. But meds make me taste NOTHING. Or nothing tastes right. I taste nothing except cloying metal in my mouth 24 hours a day and other strange oddities; simple foods tastes like: smoke from a firecracker, fingernail polish remover, oily garage floor, field dust, licking a rubber shoe, toadstools,any 1960’s vehicle, aluminum foil, bandaids….quite odd. And it’s hard to swallow. Physically swallow. Dry. That’s when the sugar comes into play—anything sugary creates a bizarre explosion of intense saccharine crystals so shockingly sweet it must be like crunchy honey on crack. Thus I continue to shove crap in my mouth. At least I sense a somewhat realistic taste. Sigh. It’s a catch-22. Stop the meds and I will hurt too bad to exercise (or walk or sit); be nearly pain-free, exercise but gain weight. Ugg again.
If summer were here I could mess around outdoors instead of sitting like a zombie watching ‘Toddlers in Tiaras’ or some other nonsense. One can tell I am lacking self-ambition this winter due to the sporadic inconsistency of my blogs. See, I am writing this one (and have written many mentally), but lack the motivation to open up Mozilla and type my blog password. Now that’s just damn lazy—too much work to type in a password. Go figure. Well, the weekend is over, thus I will reach for those prescription bottles in the a.m……………
TODAY!!! Laziness Update!!! 9 days ago I had a shot in my spine—yippee! It worked for 5 days, then Euphoria wore off…and I had my 2nd one this morning. “For a few moments, you’ll feel like you drank 2 beers—here’s #1!” says the nurse as she drugs my IV. “And #2!” It did! I never felt any injection in my spine either time—but whether it works or not, I am not going to take those pain killing, zombie-concocting pills anymore. I’ve stopped for 8 days and feel more human-like already! Who needs something called Cyclone (fun fun if you OD?) anyway—and I don’t have epilepsy, so why take THAT?!
LOOK! I am actually typing—and posting! And I am ready to add more details to illustration work tomorrow! And I didn’t even watch TV Sunday at all…
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I watched the moon.
I thought I watched the moon.
I was vaguely aware that it had risen and although I seemed mesmerized by its holy whiteness and stared unblinking at it's superior roundness it did not dawn on me for many hours that it's orb had varnished my body with a pallid glow, nor realized that it's indifferent brightness had sapped my soul and gradually crushed my size
to that
of a crumb
or less...
I am no one.
The moon knows this.
The moon observes my inadequacies and waits.
The moon does not care.
Human-like in its countenance the moon glows callous like all others.
I know this.
I am no one.
I am always no one.
(The beginning of a short story. Shall I continue with this depressing servitudal self-pity??? I think that sentence is in error!)
One of my first Giant Architeuthis pictures.
from the song "Low"
'Surreal City 'and 'I watched the Night Reveal a Thousand Sordid Images'
"And I have known the eyes already, known them all-- The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase..."
Art, Trash, and My Own Personal Wasteland: Check out all my sites for random art!
AGGIEVILLE BAR ENTOMOLOGY
My daughter fell in love with her boyfriend
over jewelry.
Not the amazingly brilliant diamond
or the classical high school ring.
She's still tickled to tell her story--
about the perfect college snobs
seated at the bar,
vying for that dreamy dude's attention.
She sat quietly
with those large brown eyes
in her muddy work jeans
and torn tee.
He came close, wiping a glass,
glancing at the bead about her throat--
his face split into a grin:
"Hemiptera?"
She grinned too...
"No, Coleoptera. I made it last night."
They discussed the art of making fine jewelry
and he fingered the necklace:
fishing line and tackle box paraphernalia.
The jealous ones didn't understand
the language of love,
not even its simplified version
of "dung beetle" tossed in their direction.
It aggravated them to ask;
then flounced out with noses in the air.
"You know...
a round ball of cow shit!"
over jewelry.
Not the amazingly brilliant diamond
or the classical high school ring.
She's still tickled to tell her story--
about the perfect college snobs
seated at the bar,
vying for that dreamy dude's attention.
She sat quietly
with those large brown eyes
in her muddy work jeans
and torn tee.
He came close, wiping a glass,
glancing at the bead about her throat--
his face split into a grin:
"Hemiptera?"
She grinned too...
"No, Coleoptera. I made it last night."
They discussed the art of making fine jewelry
and he fingered the necklace:
fishing line and tackle box paraphernalia.
The jealous ones didn't understand
the language of love,
not even its simplified version
of "dung beetle" tossed in their direction.
It aggravated them to ask;
then flounced out with noses in the air.
"You know...
a round ball of cow shit!"
Jooble Read my Blog, thus this link!
Sad
My Favorite Drawing
Scroll down to view my bizarre drawing-- I love it--the tire/hammock/chandelier, the bodies, the plants.
Kind of gets me in the mood to write or draw...
Thanks for viewing!
Kind of gets me in the mood to write or draw...
Thanks for viewing!
CHOKING
I abhor a shirt with a collar.
I've an aversion to them;
can't wear them;
can't stand to feel them behind my neck.
I don't know if it’s the extra thickness-
a minute pressure
that rides on the skin too deep.
I find I cannot take it.
It's not that they're tight
like hands around your throat
or thumbs pressing on your windpipe;
even unbuttoned,
its still an unbearable weight.
Like that guy that rested his arm
across the back of my neck
just to 'say hi'.
It feels like that:
Unwanted.
Subversive.
Additional.
Unnecessary.
A tee shirt fits just fine--
there's no constraints;
whether loose or close
you don't have to make decisions.
Men wear them. But I prefer tees.
Precisional, perfectional dress shirts
just seem like undue grief.
It’s hard to talk to one of them
with their collars.
Taut buttoned,
impressing about their throats,
like some perfect picture.
Tight.
Confining.
They all make me choke.
GLOOM Oct 2007
I watched the moon.
I thought I watched the moon.
I was vaguely aware that it had risen and although I seemed mesmerized by its holy whiteness and stared unblinking at it's superior roundness it did not dawn on me for many hours that it's orb had varnished my body with a pallid glow, nor realized that it's indifferent brightness had sapped my soul and gradually crushed my size
to that
of a crumb
or less...
I am no one.
The moon knows this.
The moon observes my inadequacies and waits.
The moon does not care.
Human-like in its countenance the moon glows callous like all others.
I know this.
I am no one.
I am always no one.
(The beginning of a short story. Shall I continue with this depressing servitudal self-pity??? I think that sentence is in error!)
Rats.
I thought I would get off easy this summer and not have anything weird happen, but NO. I find someone in my house when I came back from a walk...then a few nights later....on my porch--peering into my dark house...watching me sleep...All the makings for another weird story. Bummer.
God. Has it happened before??!
God. Has it happened before??!
About Me
- B. Diederich
- That's not my baby! Love extremely weird things which people just don't understand. And all my blogs are jumbled. Just like everything I do. AAARRGGH. If I were brave enough I would wear my hair like Jack Sparrow. But I like the Sideshow Bob look too!
Torpedo Tire Bomb w Architeuthis
SHIIMMER and SPARKS
Once upon a time there lived in the deep wood a most beautiful child, with radiant pale skin, lovely pink rose petal lips, and hair long and sleek as a raven’s wing. Her eyes whispered dark as smoking coals and her disposition was so sweet and enthralling that even the smallest creature was immediately enraptured by her very look and gentle voice.
Shimmer, she was called, because although she lived very poorly, the animals and insects of the forests took it upon themselves to transform her meek garments into things of exquisite beauty. Her tiny white frocks were trimmed in gossamer laces, intricately woven, a gift from the forest spiders, and each gown gleamed and shone like glitter in the dappling sunlight, for every butterfly would swoop down and gently wipe his wing upon the cloth, leaving behind an everlasting sparkling gift. Shimmer, she was called, and she shimmered as she lit from flower to flower, playing and transforming her marvelous forest garden.
Now, deep within this woods, a quaint and lovely stone cottage had been occupied for many a year by Shimmer’s grandmother, a wizened white-haired old woman who took it upon herself to raise her infant granddaughter there and teach her all she knew of the ways of the forest. She was wise and nearly magical [mysterious/mystical] with her lore of plants and as Shimmer grew, flitting from one garden blossom to another, the grandmother was aware that her granddaughter too had inherited that special gift, and even more so. For not only was Shimmer gifted with plants, she could engage and tame [hear? understand?] the animals in a nearly magical fashion. [with her gentle touch and charming smile. ?]
Shimmer’s grandmother had labored nearly a lifetime around the mossy-thatched cottage, cajoling brambles of tremendous white roses to climb as high as the eaves. [clamber higher than the eaves]. Shimmer learned to trim and train their boughs too as she grew, but never did their thorny branches pierce her delicate skin. Luscious fruit trees filled the garden with ripening scent as sweet as honey and great bowers and clusters of vines and petals wove their way about other paths in the garden and in between the smoothly worn stepping stones; the pair nurtured beds of delicate lettuces, crisp vegetables, and many fragrant spices and herbs. But it was the gorgeously scented roses that were their favorite; every evening Shimmer would cut a single blossom to place within a bowl upon the hearth [mantle/old wooden table?] where its sweetness would fill the house and lull them to sleep amidst a gentle breeze.
Occupied with her little garden and beguiled by the beauty of nature, Shimmer passed nearly all the hours of her days [her waking hours?] outdoors happily completing the many tasks set out for her by her grandmother….plucking sticky ripening cherries and plums and rich berries from lowered branches, arranging jewel-toned flowers along the garden paths, digging into the dark rich loam to set forth great fat bulbs and coax delightful bouquets of blooms into fragrant displays; why, no one could be richer than they. Yet it was Shimmer’s skillful gardening that helped the grandmother produce what meager income they had—quite often a crone from the distant village would journey into the deep woods to purchase a small handful of one such healing herb or another, or a dried root, or to taste [sample] a tiny pot of fresh fruited jam or marmalade.
Such were the days that passed and as Shimmer grew more and more into a lovely young maid with alabaster skin and a delicate flushed cheek, so did the white roses begin to change…slowly at first, unnoticeable, until one day they perceived a faint pink hue had lit upon all the petals. [as subtle as…?]
It was then that the grandmother began to feel slight trepidation, a vague [stirring?] uneasiness that caused her to be sharper in tone and more watchful [hawk-eyed?] as the weeks passed by, and as the roses maintained their slight pink tinge, she called Shimmer into the cottage slightly before dusk now, sending her not quite as far a field when in search for a particular rare root or leaf. Whereas their evenings had previously consisted of an amusing animal story or occasional folklore tale, now the old woman hovered closer, gruffly mumbling warnings and parables [accounts] of a creature she called ‘man’.
Shimmer perceived that her grandmother’s worries had something to do with the odd white [oddly colored] roses and easing her mind, would nod her head in agreement that these creatures should be avoided, even though she knew not what they were…She listened carefully to the joyous singing of the birds and the bright humming insects and the tiny squeaks of the sweet grey mice and knew there was no danger about. She doted on her grandmother, soothing her anxious headaches with cool berry-scented water and honeyed teas and attributed the old woman’s tales to the older crones’ neighborly gossip.
However, despite the love Shimmer had for the chattering and songs of her dear forest friends there were times when she felt slightly apart, for although they chirped and twittered with her daily, she was not really like them at all…
Not really sure what to call this drawing...
One of my first Giant Architeuthis pictures.
Subjugation
Leroy Raugowitz was slapped hard across the cheek and chained to a bed when he was of the age of four.
This was a normal household routine and substantiated by the hunger, sarcasm, and gross ill will that comes to all bad boys that are born poor and undesired. All his life Leroy would remember his first meal at an all-night diner that served the finest fried chicken and smoothest mashed potatoes he had ever seen and then the night spent on a soft bed tucked between clean white sheets.
He would always remember the night he left his meager life as a child of chains, to a glorious two-day escapade of real food, fairy-tale freedom, on to a new unknown eternity of chance—one consisting of criticism and doom. It would be hard to determine which life was worst.
The midnight Leroy awoke in snowy sheets remained crisp in his mind forever—his legs were free to move about, unrestrained; he could stretch and wiggle and dig his toes into their starchiness. And with a belly full and taut, his eyes wide, he glanced about at cleanliness for the first time in his existence. A brief smile fluttered on his lips before he let the enveloping softness carry him back to sleep. It was heaven.
It didn’t last long.
For two days, ever since the nice men in blue uniforms with shiny gold buttons had taken pictures and broken through the heavy hasp, and the mustached man in the white coat had stroked his chin, peering into the black bag, peering at his raw ankle, and the matronly dark-haired women, Leda, methodically wrote notes with a sharpened pencil while shaking her head and staring about the room, well, Leroy got to see how a real boy lived.
For two days, he was treated like a real boy, in a real home, with a real life. It remained with him eternally.
He was scooped gently over the shoulder of one the blue-clad officers and placed in an automobile to be driven to a stoic, dull brown-brick building used for Official Purposes. He answered to what questions he was capable, then again placed in the automobile, where, after his chicken and mashed potato supper, he was served his first dessert. It was a magnificent creation; a piece of real cherry pie in a golden sugary crust and running with sweet red juices, topped with a scoop of ice cream. He saw this jewel pass before his widened eyes on its way to another customer, which made Leda nearly smile—she immediately called to the waitress, who brought one right over. Of course, he couldn’t finish it, which made him afraid, but it was apparent that his matronly caregiver was in a hurry and soon they were driving to a new location, a few meager cherries left drowning in a sea of pink.
He lived the life of what he determined must be ‘royalty’ for two days; his first experience being that of a warm bath; an immersion into a frothy warm mass of fragrant bubbles. Someone, a lavender-scented woman with short blond waves, bathed him, fawning over and delicately rubbing and rinsing him from head to toe. He was petted and dried and enveloped between layers of a thick creamy towel, so warm and soothing he nearly dozed.
He saw new clothing laid out on a dresser before him: light blue flannel pajamas with clouds and red bi-planes, new pants and a tiny striped tee, all complete with stickered prices still attached. While his ankle was delicately re-bandaged, he ogled the clothing and smiled to himself again: these would be the first new clothes he had ever had.
The pajamas were divine.
(More later. Much Later.)
Displaced Cosmonaut
from the song "Low"
2 drawings hanging on my wall
'Surreal City 'and 'I watched the Night Reveal a Thousand Sordid Images'
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