10 Month Old Tests Chaos Theory

Emery Clay, 10 month old baby from Homer Alaska, spent the better part of his New Year’s Day absorbed in the Sciences while vacationing in the Flint Hills of Kansas.

“It may be early in my career, but I have an uncle who is a Nuclear Engineer and a grandpa that taught Marine Biology—I have a lot of expectations to live up to and time’s wastin’ away”, said young Clay. “I’ve already experimented with Newton’s Universal Law of Gravitation (dropped objects result in a downward movement—like my spoon from a high chair), well enough of that—I feel it’s time to move on.”

With two dedicated lab assistants, Emery resolved to spend the better part of the holiday afternoon experimenting with Physics (the study of Matter and Motion)—but more importantly, the ever-evolving area known as Chaos Theory, where small differences in initial conditions yield widely diverging outcomes.

“I was using analytical techniques—3 balls of various types, and dropping them using a recurrence plot. For any given moment in time, the balls would drop, but after the initial fall, they landed with distinct irregular behaviors.”

Choosing a colorful ball filled with beads, a small golden plastic football, and a spiky green rubber ball (courtesy of Wamego Middle School Science Dept.), Emery performed hundreds of careful ‘drop and releases’.
“I stood by the couch for the better part of an hour, concentrating on the height of the drop—varying from a few inches above the cushion, to as high as my arm could reach. Sometimes I let them roll off my fingertips, palm up—other times I utilized just a typical ‘open the fingers’ motion. Heck, after hundreds of repetitions, I even tried scattering them with both hands. My arm had gotten pretty tired.” Clay admitted.

While the assistants applauded the intense concentration Emery devoted to his experiment, they spent a few moments in quiet speculation when the baby scientist went down for a nap. “Unfortunately it made no real difference whether this tot worked quietly or yelled out heated gibberish—the balls always fell with no set pattern. And because of the language barrier, we have no idea if new theories were generated during this session of experimentation.”

An hour later (and with broccoli for brain sustenance), baby Clay resumed the task at hand for an extended period of time. “While I slept it occurred to me that I could also investigate the powers of Psychokinesis. By placing the gold football against my forehead I tried to develop my ability to ‘force’ it to drop in a consistent manner or influence the object’s movement once it hit the ground. Footballs (or prolate spheroids) tumble in an endless variety of pattern—in hindsight, I should have chosen one of the round balls or spheres for this procedure.”

He added, “Certainly Telekinesis and Chaos Theory are both sciences that I’m bound to scrutinize at a later date, but at this point I’ve decided to try another branch of Science tomorrow, probably Environmental Microbiology. ” Baby Clay concluded modestly that it was mainly his lack of mobility which hindered further processes in Chaos Theory at this time. “I’m only able to take a step or two at a time, and being only 10 months old, well, frankly I don’t have the balance to pick up balls a hundred times in a row. I’m suffering extreme exhaustion. My assistants served me with tremendous dedication.”

Both assistants were quick to point out that it was an honor to work for the prestigious youth. “We foresee great things—he’s already developed an avid interest in Archeology and the deterioration of bones and scrutinizes every leaf he finds for types of Mold. Soil Microbiology would probably be an area of great concern for him, as he is especially observant to his surroundings in nature, plus he likes to dig right in.”

As a side note, baby Emery has also shown intense concentration in the area of Music. “I have exceptional hearing and since my grandmother and dad are musicians; I’ve already developed my own style of dance rhythm—it could be a future hobby , but again, I’ll have to work on my sense of balance.”

In conclusion little Clay once again commended his lab workers. “I’d like to thank them for their many hours of commitment. They are truly caring, attentive people. I only wonder if they realized the Psychological aspect of today’s deliberations: Just how many times will an adult pick up a ball for a baby??”