Monday, June 2, 2008

Squirrel in the Transformer Box!


Today it clouded up quickly and due to the encroaching storm, I tried to think of ways to occupy my time. I figured that we'd lose electricity-- here, a sprinkle is known to knock out our power-- actually even a bright and sunny day still has the ability to cause elaborate power fluxes and snaps (Damn! I just lost that computer monitor...Shit!)

This is commonly known as "the squirrel in the transformer box" syndrome. Why, its such lame and regular excuse, when the power goes out at school, even the kids automatically yell "Squirrel!" I mean, how many post-climbing squirrels can there be?! We must be inundated with them, like those brown snakes on Guam!

People new to our community cannot believe how our town can suddenly lose power at any given time of the day or night for no reason other than the 'squirrel'. If it were Godzilla-sized, then I could see a problem... I have told my son when he tries to shoot a squirrel with his bb-gun, that the title of this blog will be his excuse if the neighbor calls the cops-- 'he was ridding the city of these costly beasts, saving them countless dollars in repairs and labor'.

So, here comes the hail. It was too dim in the house to bead or sew and I wouldn't risk plugging in the laptop, so I decided to defrost the freezer on my ancient fridge. That way, if the power went out, it was unplugged anyway. (Did I mention that people have lost appliances and records and gas stations pumps due to these powerful power surges?)

Discarding freezer-burnt chicken/fish, some old apricots, and yucky frozen pies, I did find some jewels: my cherries/strawberries still looked delicious and the Margarita mix looked alright even though it was a couple years old...perhaps I should purchase a bottle of Tequila...

Then I found a head.
No, I am not Jeffrey Dahmer--it was the head of a bird and it was just laying between stuff with no plastic wrap or anything. Eeek. I didn't stash that!

Now, I am used to opening the fridge and having the bird claws fall out of the door and onto the floor; Brigham found a dead bird on a road and liked its claws, so they were brought home. Then there was a little hognose snake (God, I typed SNACK first!) that Brig and Brett brought home from a western Ks hunting trip. I don't mind items from Nature-- it's all in the Name of Science! I opened another container and found ears. Not human. 4 large jackrabbit ears and some prairie dog paws. Again--not mine.
I lay claim to the bat in the cottage cheese container and the frozen hedgehog.

My explanation: during a previous storm, the back screen door was banging in the wind--somehow a little bat was blown off course and the cat had found it on the floor of the basement and ripped up its wing. The humane thing to do was wrap it gently, place it in the freezer where it would quickly go to sleep...forever. If I put it outside, the cat would find it, harm it even further, and possibly get rabies or something. Now, the hedgehog passed away with old-age and that darling little heart-shaped face was too rare of an item to be buried away for all eternity...so he was frozen. (Our school secretary froze her hedgehog for a son's science class-- so I am not so weird-- I later tanned mine.)
Then there was the rattlesnake skin of Bailey's...

Well, I digress. My congratulations go out to the lucky city workers that DIDN'T have to fix the power today; and if my son ever gets one of those transformer squirrels, the police will now know where to check for evidence.

1 comment:

Dan Johnson said...

It's difficult to comment on everything in your blog but you're hilarious! It's funny you mention Tequila because I bought a bottle the other day... it's fairly expensive, 38 bucks( a bottle of vodka is 29). We have tons of squirrels here as well. I always wonder if the black and the grey ones suffer any type of racial discrimination...